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DOWN UNDER TOUR 2005
Wednesday, April 6th
Richmond/Dayton/Cincinnati/Los Angeles/Sydney/Melbourne

On The Road With MaggieMay...

Wednesday – Friday (We lost Thursday!)

The huge plane is dark and everyone is sleeping but me.  Sigh  My bladder *knows* when it is 6:30am and calls GET UP, GET UP!  It’s time to make coffee and Get Lucky.  By that, of course I mean let our Golden Retriever out to chase the first squirrel of the day.  We all have our jobs to do.

I’m somewhere over the Pacific and I’m in a surprisingly good mood for being trapped in a tin can hurtling through time and space.  It might as well be a tardis, except the accommodations in a tardis would HAVE to be more comfortable.  Flight 94 is packed with a strange assortment of Earth’s inhabitants: grandmothers, older couples, Polynesians and a number of male Orthodox Jewish guys announced by white long-sleeved shirts (no tie), black jackets and trousers.  I’ve always thought it’s a pretty cool Hollywood look!  LOL  I’d love to know why they wear a black fedora style hat OVER a yarmulke.  You’d think ONE head-covering would be enough.  Shrug   I expected to encounter more Aussies on this flight!   There *are* a good number of not unattractive men with not unattractive accents.  They’re friendly, in fact VERY friendly, offering both to carry your bag and to provide an introduction to the Mile High club (I kid you not!)  The Australian women on the plane apparently don’t speak at all – I haven’t heard any female accents to compliment the men’s.   It’s a pretty cosmopolitan group.  Heck, I can’t figure out WHAT language the lady in the seat next to me is speaking to her pre-teen son (whose carry on luggage consisted of SEVEN tennis rackets)  One thing’s for sure, it’s not Dutch/Klingon!  It turned out to be Polish.

At this moment (6:15 PDT, 8:15 Indiana/EST) I really don’t feel too bad!  In fact, I’m amazingly chipper and astonishingly good-humored.  I’ve traveled enough to know that this trip would be a killer.  Shrug  You have to do what you have to do to get to where you want to be.  I have a two-pronged attack to a trip of this magnitude, though this is the longest trip I’ve ever set out on.  Preparation and Denial.  You must simultaneously prepare for the journey while at the same time refusing to think about it.  If you picture it too clearly in your mind, you just won’t do it, but if you come completely unprepared you’ll go crazy and the other passengers will be forced to tie you up with the seatbelts used for the safety lecture and lock you in one of the tiny lavatories.  I put a great deal of hope in my own preparations and so far, so good.  What are my necessities for a 25 hour trip? (includes time between connections)

MaggieMay’s Go Insane List for a Damn Long Trip:
1 Book
2 Travel Guides that you STILL haven’t finished
3 iPod with 8G of music
4 Laptop complete with 2nd BIG battery and Bejeweled
5 Candy Bars
6 Lifesavers

The *book* is a birthday present from  my son – one of Heinlein’s sci-fi novels that I missed during my Stranger in a Strange Land period.  I haven’t opened it yet, feeling obligated to frantically read through Fodor’s New Zealand tourbook.  I’ve already read the pertinent sections (Wellington and Christchurch and their environs) and now I’ve started at the beginning to figure out the whole country.  Sigh  I know, it’s almost too late!  I spent too much time reading through the Australia Fodor’s.  I’ve looked over a number of travel guides and Fodor’s suits me best.  I love reading the historical background, particularly as it involves the Native Peoples.  I’m fascinated by the Maori of New Zealand; it seems very different from the experience of the aboriginal tribes of Australia.  I’ve noticed I jump when I read a Maori site mentioned in Fodor’s and I think those sites and LOTR related areas will be my NZ priority.  I mentioned to Angel (my *heavenly* traveling companion for this trip) that we could swim with the dolphins and after she got through laughing, she indicated that *I* could.  I can’t!  I *know* they would carry me off to their Dolphin Kingdom and make me their queen.  LOL

The iPod is such a kick!  I’ve loaded it with things I used to love and haven’t heard in years – everything from Shostakovitch to Aerosmith.  I had a bad habit in my younger days of hearing a song, buying the LP/cd and only playing that song.  I knew it was crazy and didn’t care.  I’ve rued many of my younger ways (too serious, too responsible, too cautious) and decided to put the complete album containing these songs on the Ipod and actually listen to it.  I was doing other things as I loaded them on.  Having found Lindsey Buckingham’s solo cd in the closet, I ripped Go Insane and decided to give the rest of the album a listen.

It’s God- Awful!  I can’t adequately describe how bad it is.  Go Insane was a lucky fluke.  He should have released it through Fleetwood Mac or as some kind of cd single.  It was a very frightening experience, not the least to realize that I *may* have been right NOT to listen to some of these albums.  

Bejeweled is one of the most relaxing things in the world, particularly if you hook up your iPod to your computer and listen to it plus the game simultaneously.  I get a little thrill when the guy in the game calls out:  Fantastic!  Amazing!  I think I probably blush too – he sounds hot.  LOL!!!  Unfortunately, the laptop has to be connected to a power source in order to hook up the iPod, so I won’t get the full effect.  I’m *not* getting anywhere NEAR the full effect anyway – the creature in front of me has reclined his/her seat into my lap and I have to type on my boobs.  Not WITH my boobs.  I’m not that talented.  Sigh  

Candy bars – they don’t feed you on planes any more.  Sniff!  If you fly economy, which I invariably do, ‘cause I’m a cheap ass, you’re lucky to get a soft drink and a pretzel these days.  I usually tend to pick up a sandwich in the airport, but I didn’t realize the flight to LA from Cincinnati was 5 hours long.  Sigh  I could have used a sandwich!   Indulge – the Atkins low-carb candy bars are great!  Either that or I’m getting used to them.  Hey, it’s easier than carrying a sandwich around with you!  LOL

Lifesavers.   Need I say more?  Mine are sugarless and I think they’re fantastic.  I think I’ll have one right now, play Bejeweled, and put on my headphones and play Go Insane.  

While the flight to LA was smooth and the delightful Delta attendants intentionally gave me an entire row to myself to put up my feet, LAX was the pill I’ve always found it to be.  Bad things happen there and I’ve come to see it as a cursed place.  Delta failed me.  When I inquired about hooking up with my Qantas flight they looked confused and vaguely waved me off.  I had two hours so I trotted along without too much worry.  When I got near baggage claim I asked a security guard who told me I had to go to the next BUILDING, and I had to walk there.  What?  Were they kidding?

They weren’t kidding.  The 15th official I asked waved me out the door and about a half block away and I had a shock when I entered the international terminal.  It was a wild, frantic scene; there was a huge number of people of every nationality, kids were running around, men pushed carts piled high with boxes.  The only thing missing were goats.  I had a heck of a time pushing my way through the pandemonium to the Qantas counter at the far other end of the terminal.  There was a huge line there at 10pm.  Apparently that’s when all the international flights leave!  I checked in and the large scowling fellow eyed my two carryon bags, but I sweetly and innocently smiled at him and asked if they were ok.  Ah, the power of a smile!  He said they were and apparently this guy carried a lot of weight, for when the security gal tried to stop me, all I needed to do was point this guy out and she shut up.  

I met Angel on the other side at another chaotic scene.  The plane to Brisbane had been delayed and there were HUNDREDS of people there.  Some were diverted to our plane, packing it FULL.  Despite that it was a good trip.  We slept some, we talked some and were actually fed a bit.  It wasn’t an unpleasant experience and we were feeling pretty pumped, until we got to Australia.  It was a huge plane and high winds in Melbourne had closed the only runway long enough for it and, as the pilot said, we were OUT of gas.  The additional two hours to stop in Sydney, refuel and get us back in the air cost us dearly and we didn’t arrive in nearly as good a shape as we might have.  That’s travel for you!

We arrived and faced the whole customs/immigration deal.  Customs varies WILDLY from country to country.  In Australia, they *looked* pretty serious.  Angel agonized about her crackers but I was going to blithely non-declare my leftover candy.  After all, it’s IN plastic!  My disregard for authority seemed to worry her and we made a deal:  I’d declare my damn candy bars, but in return we’d stop at the first sign of coffee and get me caffeined and nicotined up for the day.  It was funny, not smoking didn’t bother me on the trip.  Not enough COFFEE almost killed me.  Qantas does NOT understand the paramount importance of coffee to Americans.  I was almost thrown into a panic over it, but Angel was prepared, and thrust upon me a Vivarin.  She saved my life!

As we walked toward Immigration, Angel suddenly remembered a contraband APPLE in her bag.  And here she was worried about my inocuous chocolate!  We stopped by one of the steel containers and she fished it out and tried to drop it in, but the top of the large container was jimmied to whack your hand.  The poor girl nearly lost her thumb.  I tried to be sympathetic, but I was in pretty bad shape myself.  Immigration was nothing and the Customs guy only wanted to discuss American movies with me and didn’t want to be bothered by anything connected with his job.  We were pleasantly surprised to find Alan Terry (GE’s drum tech) in front of us at Immigration and he greeted us warmly though the initial look on his face can only be described as shock.  It was great to see that we were in the right country for a Moody Fix.  LOL!!!  

Our hotel was prepared for our arrival and while it wasn’t the nicest place in the world I’ve stayed, it definitely was among the friendliest.  We got to know Patrick, our concierge, perhaps a little too well.  We did some walking along the river Yarra’s extremely attractive waterfront and enjoyed sitting at a cafe (not the kind of cafes they have in Amsterdam) and watching the people and the boats go by.
 
 
 

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